Prince Harry Talks to Toilet While Tripping Shrooms

If you happen to be Prince Harry (well, former Prince Harry, now simply Duke of Sussex), your psychedelics may come with a garbage bin growing a head. Oh, and of course, the entire world watching your every move. 

Back in January 2020, Meghan and Henry stepped down as senior members of the royal family and moved to the Duchess’s native Southern California. Ever since then, it’s been quite the public spectacle, with interviews from Oprah to Netflix series that document the out-of-touch, conservative, and yes, at times, racist behavior. Next up on the couple’s media agenda is Prince Harry’s autobiography, Spare, which came out on January 10.

According to the Telegraph, Harry writes that as a “deeply unhappy” 17-year-old, he would try “anything that altered the pre-established order.” And yes, your intuition is correct. Just like anyone else navigating teenage angst, this includes drugs. Let’s hope the anti-drug crowd takes a moment to consider the death of his mother, Diana, the whole pressure of being a royal, the weirdness that must come with being the “spare,” a term that spawned his memoir title. Yes, while it’s hard to feel bad for royals, one can understand the appeal of a bit of chemical escape. The 38-year-old royal explains that he took psychedelics for recreational and therapeutic reasons, revealing that he smoked cannabis since he was a teenager. Harry writes that drugs allowed him to see “another world where the red mist didn’t exist,” he reportedly wrote. From interviews to Spare, Harry talks a lot about “red mist,” which, while certainly sounds like an expression for royal champagne problems, is defined as a “feeling of extreme anger” by the Cambridge Dictionary, according to People. 

The Duke also dabbled in cocaine, although, as Time reports, he didn’t care much for it. In an interview with Tom Bradby, who asked Henry about the drug use and if he still hoped for reconciliation with his family, Harry said: “I want reconciliation. But first, there needs to be some accountability.” And, to be frank, from all the other bombshells Harry and Meghan’s press tour has unleashed, from bickering in the royal family over their child’s level of melatonin to constant bullying to the role of the press, not to mention that poor Harry’s had to deal with this his entire life, starting with his mother Diana, who cares about any claims of drug use? Reading his accounts makes you want to pass him a joint and urge the public to focus on what is really in question: does Britain need a monarchy, and how many people’s lives must implode before they get it straight?

By the way, from shroom-induced garbage bins aside, as Time reports, Spare also contains tales of how he lost his virginity to an older woman who loved horses and spanked him when they were finished, not to mention Harry gets honest about how many people he killed while fighting in Afghanistan. So, put away your spooky garbage bin, grab a cup of tea, and cuddle with Harry’s new book to form your take on these dramatic royals.